From The Washington Post's Painfully Bad Analogies contest:

The line separating painfully bad analogies from weirdly good ones is as thin
as a soup made from the shadow of a chicken that was starved to death by
Abraham Lincoln.

--He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
(Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

--The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan just might work.
(Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)

--She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.
(Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

--Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
(Sandra Hull, Arlington)

--The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview
portion of Jeopardy!
(Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

--Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. (Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)

--The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a
(Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)

--He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
(John Kammer, Herndon)

--Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell
butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
(Barbara Collier, Garrett Park)

--She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.
(Susan Reese, Arlington)

--The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM.
(Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse)

--It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
tools. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

--The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan
set on medium.
(Ralph Scott, Washington)

--He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
were a garbage truck backing up. (Susan Reese, Arlington)

--Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

--She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

--It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the
wall. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

--Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal
paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

--A branch fell from the tree like a trunk falling off an elephant.
(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

--Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a ThighMaster. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)