My Favorite Mixed Metaphors

Hereís what I think are a rather amusing collection of mixed metaphors along with a few malaprops for good measure. Iíve been collecting them for years and these are my favorites. I hope they provide a few laughs for you.



We could stand here and talk until the cows turn blue.


You could have knocked me over with a fender.


He was watching me like I was a hawk.


Iíll get it by hook or ladder.


Heís a wolf in cheap clothing.


Theyíre diabolically opposed.


He received a decease and desist order.


I wouldnít eat that with a ten-foot pole.


Take a flying hike.


I shot the wind out of his saddle.


Heís not the one with his ass in a noose.


A loose tongue spoils the broth.


Itís all moth-eared.


I can read him like the back of my book.


From now on, Iím watching everything you do with a fine-tuned comb.


Itís as easy as falling off a piece of cake.


Heís like a duck out of water.


These hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.


Itís time to grab the bull by the tail and look him in the eye.


I wouldnít be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.


I hope he gets his curve ball straightened out.


Itís time to step up to the plate and lay your cards on the table.


Heís burning the midnight oil from both ends.


You canít change the spots on an old dog.


It sticks out like a sore throat.


Itís like looking for a needle in a hayride.


People are dying like hotcakes.


Heís a little green behind the ears.


You canít go in there cold turkey with egg on your face.


We have to get all our ducks on the same page.


The fan is gonna hit the roof.


I have a lot of black sheep in my closet.


I'm sweating like a bullet.


And my all-time favorite:


Sheís suffering from a detached rectum.